Whipping My Hair

It’s Christmas Eve in the year 2010.  My son turned 13 yesterday and I’m so happy that we made it to this point without him getting into any serious trouble.  I feel so blessed that I have a son like him.  He really is a good kid.  I know that mothers brag all the time about their children, but he truly is a blessing.  My brothers girlfriend and I decided that we would try to recreate our version of Willow Smith’s song “Whip My Hair.”  Needless to say, I woke up this morning with a screaming headache and was brought to the sudden realization that I’m not a teenager but an adult who shouldn’t be doing that.

Whipping my Hair

But we really had a great time.  It was the first time in a long time that I had fun without worrying about things that were going on outside of the house.
In other news…
I start school in a little over a week.  I’m getting more excited as the days pass and then I came to the realization that not only will I be a coed again, but I will be doing it remotely.  That is when I became extremely nervous.  I will also not be strapping on a backpack and walking through a University campus, but will be pulling up a chair to my computer to attend classes on Tuesday evenings.  Can you say nervous 3 times fast?  I can and I’m still scared.
So, in this little time that I have left, I’m going to try and catch up on the many books that I have checked out so I can get more in tune with what is popular with teens because from what I’m hearing, grad school is no joke.  Maybe I will have the chance to whip my hair again before I begin?

Grad School vs. Novel???

I got into grad school.  Now what? I know that I’m supposed to be ecstatic and I am.  Don’t get me wrong.  I just wish that I had done all of this immediately upon graduating instead of waiting for two years.  I forgot all of the stuff that you go through when registering.  Why do they need your life story anyway?

To top it off, I haven’t focused that much on my novel like I want to and have been silently kicking myself under the table.  It’s not like I don’t know how I want my story to go but its how the words appear on the paper.  Maybe I’m way too hard on myself.  Maybe I need to be.  I just wish that I were further along than I am right now.  And starting school in three weeks will not help me out that much.

I’ve vowed to myself that I will crank out at least three more chapters.  That’s a chapter a week for the next three weeks.  Maybe by then, I can focus on school and still be far enough into the novel that I don’t go slack brained.  Wish me luck.

Life...

Life is a bunch of you know what.  When it seems as if things are going fine, life smacks you right in the face.  This week, life has looked me straight in the eye and has said screw you.  I lost a little cousin on Thanksgiving Day.  Due to slick roads and the fast driving of another person, his life, along with that of his seventeen year-old girlfriend was taken forever.  Working with teenagers became that much harder.

As a teen library assistant, I work with teenagers on a daily basis.  And for this past week, I have been unable to deal with their happiness.  When they laugh, I wonder if Adrian and Maddie were laughing with each other when the accident occurred.  When the teens smiled at me this week or told me a joke, I wondered what the last joke the two of them (Adrian and Maddie) shared with one another.  It has been so hard to deal with.

His sisters and I grew up very close to one another and when he and his brother James came along, they added that little boy craziness to the mix.  It’s funny the things that you remember when you are forced to think about them.  I remember how cute he was growing up.  I also remember that he was quite a handful as well.  It’s these memories that make me smile when I think about him.  It’s going to take those memories now to get us through the holiday season now.

In 2002, we lost his grandmother right before Christmas, and now this.  It really makes you take a step back and look at the people you surround yourself with as well.  This kid fought the fight against cancer and he won.  And in a swift second, his life was taken away, just like that.  It really makes me stop and wonder,  what if?

Jumbled Mess of Words

So begins a new day.  I've been up since 5:30 a.m. which is how a typical day starts for me.  The last few weeks have been a test to my faith.  I've had to deal with a lot of happiness and anger.  I feel that there needs to be a big change in my life if I am to succeed in everything that I do.  My son has had a tumultuous year with football and I'm happy that the season is over so that he can concentrate on getting his grades together.

I have to take the GRE again and I'm nervous.  Although I've been studying until the wee hours of the morning, I still feel as if I'm going to fail and I don't need to think like that.  I've been praying and asking that the Lord guide my mind and my hands, but I don't know if he is hearing me.

I'm struggling trying to think of what to write in my novel.  The words are there in my head, but when I try to bring pen to paper, my mind goes blank.  For months I've known where I want my story to go, but the words are not forming like I would like them to.  Where do I go from here?

And today, I'm starting a new position that could make or break me.  I will be working with teenagers on a full time basis and I'm very nervous.  I've had to work with teens daily, but now they will actually be the focal point of my job.  And its not like me to be nervous around children.  Oh, woe is me.  I think it will be okay.  We shall soon see.

Football

So, my sons football team had their first scrimmage Tuesday night. He is playing for his middle school this year instead of for the recreational league. Now, he is about 5'9" and he is only 12. I like to brag on him as I'm sure that other mothers brag on their children.

Anyway, it was about 95 degrees. I think I may have lost about 15 pounds just waiting for them to begin playing. My pants felt like they were glued to my legs. But I love football. I get this weird euphoria from hearing the crunching sound that the equipment makes when it crashes together. It makes the blood in my veins surge fourth through every vessel in my body. And my son loves it too.

He told me that his goal this year is to hit somebody so hard, their helmet comes off. I thought, that's a very vicious ambition but I've never played the sport so who am I to judge.
So, as I listened to the parental conversation around me, I learned that some adults need to keep needless conversation to themselves. I heard one parent exclaim that our team should be good because "we had Male and Manual High Schools recruits". And then one mom said that she was "going to remove her son from the team if they were going to get beat like that."

First of all, youth football is a sport that young men are happy to be a part of. It teaches them teamwork, discipline, and also manners. Young men, as well as parents, should not focus on how many games you win, but the hard work that you put into it.

Second, negativity that parents show towards their son's, in turn makes them have a negative attitude. Telling a child that you will pull him from a team simply because they are not winning will only teach him not to finish anything that he starts. The focus of football is teamwork and following through. If this mother does decide to pull her son from the team, she is allowing him to let his teammates down.

And third, its called youth football for a reason. Adult football is called the NFL. None of these young players have signed a contract, so we as parents should not vocalize our opinions. This game is for the kids.

It think I'm finished running my mouth. I'm looking forward to a great season. Good night.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Attitudes

I have never met so many people with messed up attitudes in my life. Even when you are nice to them, they want to take offense to every word that comes out of your mouth. I try not to be overly critical of others, but more and more certain things have been brought to my attention.

I was always taught to look a person in their eyes when you talk to them. It is a sign of respect. My husband and I try to instill this trait into our son. He is to always address his elders with yes ma'am and yes sir. But children today seem to think that everything should be handed to them on a silver platter.

I have talked to many children on a daily basis and feel that all of their parents should take a class on training their offspring. They are very rude, they curse at you, and they act as if they own the world. I'm so happy that I was blessed with the child that I have.

The attitude of many individuals often stuns me into silence. I have a friend who is bringing out a book and you would think that people would be happy for her. But you wouldn't be able to tell by the attitudes that have plagued her. I fell excited for her, but I hate the attitudes of those who are most likely jealous. I guess you can't please every one all the time. God bless.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Big Loser

For people who know me, I've almost always been a big girl. I prefer the word thick, but hey, you can't always get what you want. Anyway, I was looking at a Biggest Loser cookbook at work and thought, hey, I should apply for this since they are casting for season 11. So I go to the website and register for the site. While there, I printed out an application and read the rules. Some of the questions that were asked on the eleven page app were really personal. So my co-workers and I were discussing my uniqueness when we realized that there is an open casting call on Saturday. I have so many things running through my head now such as it must be meant to be. I mean, how often would I think about something like this and then have this show basically fall in my lap? I think I'm going to go. I mean, I should right? What could it hurt? I could stand to lose a few pounds.

Nice Visitors Today

Today the nice students from National College came to visit me.  We talked about spoons.

Another Derby Down

Well, as many of you already know, the Kentucky Derby comes around every year on the first Saturday in May. Yesterday was  that Saturday. I keep telling myself that one of these days I'm going to make it down to Churchill Downs and place a bet. Especially since the past three years I have told my husband which horse was going to win and it actually did.  Which reminds me of a pretty funny story.  It's about the day that little ol' me won money some money on Millionaires Row at the Downs (honestly).  When I was graduating from the University of Louisville, the School of Justice Administration took all of the graduates to Churchill Downs so that we could enjoys a luncheon and a day at the races.  And guess where we ate?  You guessed it, Millionaires Row.  So, when it came time for the races, after my husband told me that no one from our house was gonna gamble, I took a measly two bucks and bet on the horse with the worst odds.  And you guessed it, I won.  So I run around screaming, "I won, I won." And my husband is like, "Won what?"  I was so busted.  I didn't win much, but that's how my lucky streak started (I only won $9.60, but hey, I only started out with two)

Anyway, watching television and seeing all of the celebrities that come into town just for the Derby, it makes me really proud to be a Kentuckian but it also kind of makes me upset that they don't put up such a hooplah at other times of the year for people that actually come from Kentucky.  So many high profiled celebrities have made it big that are actually from Kentucky, but they are very seldom seen on the red carpets of Derby events.  Why is that?  I really want to know.

Moaning Monday

The more that I think about it, the more that I believe that I’m trapped in a life that is not my own. Sometimes, I feel like I’m standing outside of myself, looking at the stupid choices that I’ve made. Have you ever watched a soap opera and you find yourself screaming at the characters in the television like they can actually hear what you are saying to them? That’s how I feel sometimes.

I find myself dreading Monday’s. To me that is the hardest and the most stressful day of my week. I call it Moaning Monday because by the time I leave work, I’m moaning because my head hurts so bad. I know that it may seem wrong, but if I get through Monday, I know that the rest of my week will just fly by.

Wondering

Do you ever find yourself pausing and not knowing the reason why? Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with someone when you are suddenly at a loss for words? Have you ever wanted to say something to someone and not quite know the right words to say? I find this happening to me more and more these past couple of months. Sometimes the words are right on the tip of my tongue and when it is time to utter the syllables, I lose my nerve or I just don’t have the balls.

Any person that has had to have a conversation with other individuals has been in this situation before. Even people who speak publically for a living have found themselves with cotton-mouth when the right words just wouldn’t come out. I have met a lot of people in my life who seem to have diarrhea of the mouth. These are the individuals who just don’t know how to shut their traps. But have you ever taken the time to listen to what they have to say? Although they may be extremely annoying, they know exactly what type of words to say to get their point across.

I’ve been writing more and more lately, trying to see what type of vocabulary I spew out and I find myself using words that I wouldn’t otherwise use in everyday conversations with my friends and family. I think this is because I grew up in a neighborhood that didn’t emphasize the importance of having a wide range of vocabulary. It was more important to know what “stamps” were than actual currency. If you focused too much on pronunciation instead of being correct ebonically, then you were thought of as being to white and not black enough.

These words also become jumbled up in my head. Sometimes, there is so much that I want to say, but when it becomes time to say it, the words just won’t come out. Like right now, I want to be able to express myself my vocally, but that takes time, patience, and practice. I’m not sure that I have much of that. With words, I feel like a small child who has just discovered the things that her tiny hands can do. I want to feel every word that there is. I want my mind to fill with all of the colorful, magnificent, and magically words that encompass the world. I think that I will check out a dictionary from the library and try to remember all the words in it. I think I have just discovered something that will change my life completely. Wish me luck.

Cell Phones

I know this may sound mundane seeing as I'm typing this on my blackberry but sometimes I believe that a lot of individuals should not be allowed to use cell phones. I know that everyone has a right to use their phones whenever they please but there are some people that should not be able to have them at all.

For example, as I'm writing this, I'm sitting in the dentist office. Several people have their phone set to ring. If a regular ring tone is not annoying enough, then the one's were there is a song playing are even more annoying. Already I've heard gangsta rap, slow r&b, and country western and its barely ten o'clock in the morning. People have very ecclectic taste but should take into consideration others around them may not like the same things they do. Please put your phone on vibrate or better yet, turn it off.

Next are the people who actually answer their phones and carry on a private conversation. I don't want to hear about what went down at the club last night or who you slept with the night before. That's way to personal. I also hate it when individuals answer their phones when they are standing at the desk talking to the receptionist. Very rude.

These are the ramblings of an individual with a bad toothache who is tired of stupid people. I think I've made my case. Have a good morning people.

Youth Sports

Ok. Now I usually like to spend my off days at home, washing clothes and catching up with my DVR.I'm a mother so it's the little things that give me thrills. But for the past 3 months, I have spent every weekend at basketball games. Not that I'm upset or anything, but I'm a football mom. I like the sound of the crunching helmets and equipment. The only sounds I hear during basketball are the whistles that the refs are constantly blowing. Sitting at these facilities that have 5 courts and multiple games going on at once is crazy. Not to mention the concession stands that service greasy food and BEER??? Why would you serve beer at a youth sports facility? So the parents can drive their kids home while they are buzzed? It's so amazing to me. Even though I don't care to much for basketball, my son loves the game so I tolerate it for him but I really wish that he could play football year round. Then I would be completely hooked.

Bring it on 2010

I told myself that last year was really crappy because my husband and I actually slept through the ball dropping. So we made sure that this year we were wide awake ringing in the new year with the rest of the world. But that day really started off with a bang. My husband couldn't fall back to sleep even though he had to be at work at 5:00 am and I fell asleep next to a drafty window. Now my husband and I are both sick. And to top it off, I have to drive all the way to Oldham County so that my son can play basketball in a winter tournament. I'm never going to get rid of this cold if I continue to go out in 7 degree weather chasing the basketball dream. Sometimes it sucks, but I wouldn't change being a mom for the world.

The bang that I expected for 2010 was that somehow all of my bills would magically pay themselves but boy was I wrong. Magic only happens in movies. It sure would be really great to somehow transform into a socialite so that people would pay me to take my picture and I wouldn't have to worry about paying bills because someone would want to do it for me. So since I'm living in the real world I'm going to continue to pray that everything will work out for us eventually. I will continue to go to my 40 hour a week job and making sure that my son finishes his homework correctly. I will also continue to make sure that he gets to his practices on time.

Have a happy new year everyone. I'm going to go back to sleep before the next game.