WTF???

It has been quite a while since I decided that I would write something.  My mind has sort of been in a whirlwind for a while.  There has been so much that has happened that I feel that I would never be able to put it all down on paper.  I’m officially that mother that my child can’t stand.  I know.  I never thought that this day would come.  He looks at me now like I have the plague or something.  The only good thing that can come out of this is that I don’t have to worry that it has anything to do with what type of person I am.  It’s the teenager blues.  We have all had them.  Hell, I drove my mother crazy with them.  It’s a good thing that we can look back on them now and laugh.  But I will admit that it hurts to a point.  It’s like my little baby doesn’t love me anymore.  I know that he does, but its just this feeling that I get.

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So, have you ever had someone take one of your ideas and then present them as their own?  I have and it makes me so mad.  Without going into great detail, I had one of my ideas presented as someone else’s and now they are getting the credit of having a super, cool idea.  WTF?  I mean seriously, I couldn’t at least get a little bit of credit?  What makes me angry the most is that it was done right under my nose.  How lame is that?  I guess that is enough rambling for now.  More to come.

Life...

Life is a bunch of you know what.  When it seems as if things are going fine, life smacks you right in the face.  This week, life has looked me straight in the eye and has said screw you.  I lost a little cousin on Thanksgiving Day.  Due to slick roads and the fast driving of another person, his life, along with that of his seventeen year-old girlfriend was taken forever.  Working with teenagers became that much harder.

As a teen library assistant, I work with teenagers on a daily basis.  And for this past week, I have been unable to deal with their happiness.  When they laugh, I wonder if Adrian and Maddie were laughing with each other when the accident occurred.  When the teens smiled at me this week or told me a joke, I wondered what the last joke the two of them (Adrian and Maddie) shared with one another.  It has been so hard to deal with.

His sisters and I grew up very close to one another and when he and his brother James came along, they added that little boy craziness to the mix.  It’s funny the things that you remember when you are forced to think about them.  I remember how cute he was growing up.  I also remember that he was quite a handful as well.  It’s these memories that make me smile when I think about him.  It’s going to take those memories now to get us through the holiday season now.

In 2002, we lost his grandmother right before Christmas, and now this.  It really makes you take a step back and look at the people you surround yourself with as well.  This kid fought the fight against cancer and he won.  And in a swift second, his life was taken away, just like that.  It really makes me stop and wonder,  what if?

Have you ever had one of those weeks were things just don't seem to be going your way? I never thought that I would be feeling this way in my twenties, but I feel as if life couldn't get any worse and I would honestly be so shocked if things start to turn around. There have been times in my life when I would wish that things would go a certain way and then eventually they would. For example, being broke and wishing for money. It always seemed as if we would come so close to being broke and then wham, a ton of money just dropped in our laps. Right now, I feel as if that will never happen. I feel like there is a net over my head and I don't know how to get out from under it. Maybe, I will eventually see what is on the outside of that net. Who knows.