Still Here

I guess since I haven't written anything new in a while, you thought that I was gone. That isn't the case. There have been a lot of things going on in my life. When I get a chance to write them all down, I will. Until then, enjoy your day.

WTF???

It has been quite a while since I decided that I would write something.  My mind has sort of been in a whirlwind for a while.  There has been so much that has happened that I feel that I would never be able to put it all down on paper.  I’m officially that mother that my child can’t stand.  I know.  I never thought that this day would come.  He looks at me now like I have the plague or something.  The only good thing that can come out of this is that I don’t have to worry that it has anything to do with what type of person I am.  It’s the teenager blues.  We have all had them.  Hell, I drove my mother crazy with them.  It’s a good thing that we can look back on them now and laugh.  But I will admit that it hurts to a point.  It’s like my little baby doesn’t love me anymore.  I know that he does, but its just this feeling that I get.

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So, have you ever had someone take one of your ideas and then present them as their own?  I have and it makes me so mad.  Without going into great detail, I had one of my ideas presented as someone else’s and now they are getting the credit of having a super, cool idea.  WTF?  I mean seriously, I couldn’t at least get a little bit of credit?  What makes me angry the most is that it was done right under my nose.  How lame is that?  I guess that is enough rambling for now.  More to come.

New Outlook

Last night was my first official night of graduate school. All I can say is so far so good. The professor seems like he is pretty awesome and from some of the conversations I had last night with my classmates in the chat rooms, it promises to be very fun. I was even able to get into bed at a decent hour, too.

I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of self. It’s time for me to take responsibility for my actions. When I went to church on Sunday, the minister told us to look forward and not think about the past. That is what I intend to do. It’s time for me to get healthier. If I don’t, I will never be able to concentrate on what I want in life.

I made new friends on the fitness pal website so hopefully we can help each other out. I will devote two hours a night on my novel so that I can finish it by March. One thing that I’ve realized is that it is very hard to concentrate on writing when you have so many things on your mind. So, with that said, I think I’ve come up with a good solution. I’m going to turn my third bedroom into a home gym/office.

Our third bedroom is usually reserved for my little brother when he is home from college. Since the next time he comes home, he will be living with his girlfriend, I’m going to move his bed into the garage and move my desk into that room. Or fitness equipment is already there so it will make it easier for me to have a place to retreat. Not only will I use it for writing, but I will have a quiet place to go when I have my classes on Tuesday nights. See, I told you I was a genius. This is what happens when you put your mind to work.

Speaking of work, it is time for me to get ready to go. Have a blessed day everyone and be safe.

Happy New Year

First off, let me say that I have a lot of hope for the year 2011.  Last year went by really fast but it was a real drag to go through.  There were lots of ups and downs, but I really hope that this year will be filled with only good things.

I resolved that this year I would give up my fascination with my weight.  I love my body and what it looks like.  I’ve decided that I will not resolve to lose any weight this year and that I will take the time to get to know my body first.  I mean hey, I’ve been a thick chick for the majority of my life and I really don’t think that that will be changing any time soon.

I did change my hair style for the beginning of the year.  It’s longer and blonder than ever.  What do you think?

We took my son out with his friends for pizza at Tony Boombazz.  It was a really good treat for all of us.  Lately we have all been staying in the house and it just felt really good to get out for a while.  I don’t like feeling like a hermit.

Which brings me to my second resolution, to get out more.  I’m thirty years old and have yet to have a real vacation.  Sure Joe and I went to Gatlinburg, but I don’t think that we enjoyed it much because we were worried about bills at home and our son.  We are going to change that.

My last resolution is to rebuild my relationship with God.  I’ve slowly gotten back in to reading the bible and have been attending bible study with some women that I’ve met through the library.  I need to rejoin in fellowship with my church home and with the Lord.  So Paul and I will be starting the year off right by attending church tomorrow morning. 

Well, let’s start this year off right.  Make it a good one.

Whipping My Hair

It’s Christmas Eve in the year 2010.  My son turned 13 yesterday and I’m so happy that we made it to this point without him getting into any serious trouble.  I feel so blessed that I have a son like him.  He really is a good kid.  I know that mothers brag all the time about their children, but he truly is a blessing.  My brothers girlfriend and I decided that we would try to recreate our version of Willow Smith’s song “Whip My Hair.”  Needless to say, I woke up this morning with a screaming headache and was brought to the sudden realization that I’m not a teenager but an adult who shouldn’t be doing that.

Whipping my Hair

But we really had a great time.  It was the first time in a long time that I had fun without worrying about things that were going on outside of the house.
In other news…
I start school in a little over a week.  I’m getting more excited as the days pass and then I came to the realization that not only will I be a coed again, but I will be doing it remotely.  That is when I became extremely nervous.  I will also not be strapping on a backpack and walking through a University campus, but will be pulling up a chair to my computer to attend classes on Tuesday evenings.  Can you say nervous 3 times fast?  I can and I’m still scared.
So, in this little time that I have left, I’m going to try and catch up on the many books that I have checked out so I can get more in tune with what is popular with teens because from what I’m hearing, grad school is no joke.  Maybe I will have the chance to whip my hair again before I begin?

Grad School vs. Novel???

I got into grad school.  Now what? I know that I’m supposed to be ecstatic and I am.  Don’t get me wrong.  I just wish that I had done all of this immediately upon graduating instead of waiting for two years.  I forgot all of the stuff that you go through when registering.  Why do they need your life story anyway?

To top it off, I haven’t focused that much on my novel like I want to and have been silently kicking myself under the table.  It’s not like I don’t know how I want my story to go but its how the words appear on the paper.  Maybe I’m way too hard on myself.  Maybe I need to be.  I just wish that I were further along than I am right now.  And starting school in three weeks will not help me out that much.

I’ve vowed to myself that I will crank out at least three more chapters.  That’s a chapter a week for the next three weeks.  Maybe by then, I can focus on school and still be far enough into the novel that I don’t go slack brained.  Wish me luck.

Life...

Life is a bunch of you know what.  When it seems as if things are going fine, life smacks you right in the face.  This week, life has looked me straight in the eye and has said screw you.  I lost a little cousin on Thanksgiving Day.  Due to slick roads and the fast driving of another person, his life, along with that of his seventeen year-old girlfriend was taken forever.  Working with teenagers became that much harder.

As a teen library assistant, I work with teenagers on a daily basis.  And for this past week, I have been unable to deal with their happiness.  When they laugh, I wonder if Adrian and Maddie were laughing with each other when the accident occurred.  When the teens smiled at me this week or told me a joke, I wondered what the last joke the two of them (Adrian and Maddie) shared with one another.  It has been so hard to deal with.

His sisters and I grew up very close to one another and when he and his brother James came along, they added that little boy craziness to the mix.  It’s funny the things that you remember when you are forced to think about them.  I remember how cute he was growing up.  I also remember that he was quite a handful as well.  It’s these memories that make me smile when I think about him.  It’s going to take those memories now to get us through the holiday season now.

In 2002, we lost his grandmother right before Christmas, and now this.  It really makes you take a step back and look at the people you surround yourself with as well.  This kid fought the fight against cancer and he won.  And in a swift second, his life was taken away, just like that.  It really makes me stop and wonder,  what if?