Wondering

Do you ever find yourself pausing and not knowing the reason why? Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with someone when you are suddenly at a loss for words? Have you ever wanted to say something to someone and not quite know the right words to say? I find this happening to me more and more these past couple of months. Sometimes the words are right on the tip of my tongue and when it is time to utter the syllables, I lose my nerve or I just don’t have the balls.

Any person that has had to have a conversation with other individuals has been in this situation before. Even people who speak publically for a living have found themselves with cotton-mouth when the right words just wouldn’t come out. I have met a lot of people in my life who seem to have diarrhea of the mouth. These are the individuals who just don’t know how to shut their traps. But have you ever taken the time to listen to what they have to say? Although they may be extremely annoying, they know exactly what type of words to say to get their point across.

I’ve been writing more and more lately, trying to see what type of vocabulary I spew out and I find myself using words that I wouldn’t otherwise use in everyday conversations with my friends and family. I think this is because I grew up in a neighborhood that didn’t emphasize the importance of having a wide range of vocabulary. It was more important to know what “stamps” were than actual currency. If you focused too much on pronunciation instead of being correct ebonically, then you were thought of as being to white and not black enough.

These words also become jumbled up in my head. Sometimes, there is so much that I want to say, but when it becomes time to say it, the words just won’t come out. Like right now, I want to be able to express myself my vocally, but that takes time, patience, and practice. I’m not sure that I have much of that. With words, I feel like a small child who has just discovered the things that her tiny hands can do. I want to feel every word that there is. I want my mind to fill with all of the colorful, magnificent, and magically words that encompass the world. I think that I will check out a dictionary from the library and try to remember all the words in it. I think I have just discovered something that will change my life completely. Wish me luck.